I’ve learned the hard way that some lifestyles I desired were not my own desires, they were things I absorbed from others. These ideas were planted in my brain without me noticing like they do in the movie Inception.

There is the idea of mimetic desire by French philosopher René Girard. He argues human desires are not entirely individual but are imitative by nature — we desire things because we see others desiring them. For example, a child might not want a specific toy until they see another child playing with it. I’ve absorbed desires from the internet and those around me, and I’ve realized how difficult it is to separate mimetic desires from intrinsic ones.

Digital Nomading: The digital nomad lifestyle is heavily marketed on social media, with images of working on a laptop while sipping coconut water on the beach. This created a fantasy that made many office workers feel like they’re losers.

However, the reality is far less glamorous. People who tried it often found constant travel exhausting, working on a beach uncomfortable due to glare, heat, and humidity, and the overall experience more suited for vacation than work. When I was in Thailand, mosquitos made the beach very unpleasant—something you never see on social media. I’ve experienced that the fantasy of digital nomading is very different than the reality of it. Experienced nomads settle on the idea of having a few home-bases, with stable accommodation, routines and circle of friends in each one.

World Travel: Many people dream of quitting their job to travel the world. I’ve traveled quite a lot while working, even took a one month sabbatical in New Zealand and Australia without quitting my job. After three weeks, constant travel and sightseeing became exhausting. By doing this small experiment, I learned that long term travel was not something appealing to me. So I never bought into the idea of traveling the world continuously for a year or longer. In 2023, while funemployed, I took six shorter trips across Europe (7–10 days each) but chose not to travel the world continuously, even though I could.

Early Retirement: The idea of financial freedom and working on your own terms — or not working at all — sounds very appealing. I may have inherited this mindset from my dad, who has talked about retiring to stay home and listen to his CDs all day for over 25 years, though he’s now in his 70s and still working. I’ve been fortunate enough to experience early retirement in my late 30s by living frugally in a low-cost country with no wife or kids. This experiment showed me that jobs provide much more than income—they offer identity, community, achievement, and meaning. Without work, I experienced isolation, loss of motivation, and a search for purpose. I’ve learned that not working at all isn’t a very fulfilling lifestyle in your late 30s.

Many societal ideals are not as fulfilling as they appear on the surface. Firsthand experience often debunks the romanticized portrayals of different lifestyles, so it’s very important to test these assumptions before spending all your life chasing a fantasy. It’s also important to question the source of the desire, and how it emerged, to understand whether it’s intrinsic or mimetic.